Throughout my college experience at RIC I have learned about race and my own racial identity in my Fned, Swrk, Gend and Ydev classes. I have also learned about it while being a member of the Black Student Union on campus. I remember some experiences for me being really uncomfortable because I identify as both Black and White. I feel like there were things I didn't feel comfortable saying because I would be judged or looked at weird especially when talking about being black and what that means to me. I feel that way because of my light skin. I felt and sometimes still feel that who I am to speak on certain issues/topics when I personally haven't experienced them but then I realize my voice/opinion matters and I speak up. It took me awhile to learn that regardless of my skin color my voice still matters. Also, because of my light skin at times I feel like I can't or shouldn't identify as a black woman because I don't look like what I'm "expected" to look like. In some of my social work classes that were filled with predominately white students and max 2 BIPOC I always wondered why my white classmates rarely spoke up when we discussed racism/oppression/slavery, etc. "I really wish the White students would talk more. When I read these articles, it makes me so mad and I really want to know what the White kids think. Don't they care?" I can relate to this quote because I wondered the same thing in class. I know racism can be a challenging and uncomfortable topic to discuss but I feel it's very important for people of all ethnic backgrounds to discuss. The white students in my swrk classes rarely ever spoke up if not called on. I always wondered if it was because they were uncomfortable, if they didn't know what to say, if they had prejudices, if they didn't believe in racism, if they just didn't care about the topic or maybe they felt how I used to feel and they felt like they shouldn't or couldn't speak on it.
Being part of a Black Student Union and being light skin has been very difficult for me. I have struggled with my identity because of it. I questioned my blackness and my whiteness. "I find myself thinking: "I didn't mean to be White, I really didn't mean it." I am starting to feel angry towards my race for ever using this advantage towards personal gains." I can relate to this because during meetings/events I sometimes used to hate myself. I hated myself for being white. I hated that I couldn't change that I was white. I hated that I couldn't change the color of my skin. I hated that people viewed me differently because of my skin color. I hated that I felt I didn't belong because of the color of my skin. There were so many times throughout the last two years that I felt like not returning to the organization because I felt I didn't belong and although it took me over a year to finally accept myself, I am so happy that I stayed and became a member of the eboard of the organization. I am so happy because I came to terms with who I am, what I look like and accepted myself.
"I feel that because of this class, I have become much more aware of racism that exists around. Because of my awareness of racism, I am now bothered by acts and behaviors that might not have bothered me in the past. Before when racial comments were said around me I would somehow ignore it and pretend that nothing was said. By ignoring comments such as these, I was protecting myself." I have always been bothered by acts and behaviors but I didn't always acknowledge the ignorance. Because I struggled with own identity it was hard for me to speak up but I also realized I was protecting myself. At times when I would be part of a discussion and racial comments were made towards white people I wouldn't always call people out on it because I didn't want people to think that I was "protecting" white people. I feel like if I were to go against what people said about white people or defend them I would get looked at differently or judged. Since then I realized that I shouldn't care how people view me. Now, if someone makes a racial comment about anyone regardless of their ethnicity I speak up.
Hello Andreya,
ReplyDeleteI previously wrote a comment and it did not post. Thus I am very disappointed and will not be going as in depth as I did before.
I would just like to mention in this comment how much I appreciate your vulnerability in your post and your honesty.
On a personal note, growing up I experienced being the only white girl in my friend group and occasionally in my classes. Fast forward to now and I am apart of a sorority on campus Alpha Sigma Tau which is mainly white women. This was a culture shock for me although I am lucky to still be apart of other organizations that are diverse, I do wish my sorority was more diverse as well.
I wish I remembered everything from my last post but I do not, learning lesson to copy what you write before posting. But I’d like to end of my comment by saying that I think it’s incredible that your apart of Harambe and your post is very inspiring and made me reflect on a lot of past memories.
I just wanted to say that I thought your post was very inspiring. I also loved how honest and vulnerable you were in your post. This topic is truly a hard one to discuss especially among peers. The quotes that you used from the article were powerful not only because of the words she used, but how you connected to them from your personal experiences. I really enjoyed reading your post!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your post Andreya and for the ways you connect this text to your own personal experiences. Your story adds important layers to Tatum's mostly Black + White analysis (colorism, multiracial identities, etc.). There are so many intellectual ways to talk about our identities, and I appreciate that you focused in on the feelings--feelings of shame, disconnect, alienation, and (self) acceptance. I wonder what/how you moved through that space in your work with the Black Student Union? What experiences, relationships, thinking helped shift your sense of belonging and ease in your identity?
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